Why the "You Complete Me" Moment is a Recipe for Disaster

Photo by John Hook

I see a lot of people looking for a relationship.

They're looking for that special someone. The "you complete me" moment.

They're looking for #happiness, #love, #fulfillment and so forth to come from external sources.

That type of "satisfaction" - isn't.

Because once the new wears off, they'll be looking for something else.

Most people go through life with a Have, Do, Be mentality. In other words, "if I have this, then I can do that, so I can be…" fill in the blank. If I have a partner, then I can do stuff with my partner, so I can be happy.

However, if we start with Be, the Do and Have come naturally.

Looking for a relationship to "complete" you is a #recipefordisaster . It trains the brain to look for outside sources to meet the desire for happiness. At the risk of sounding redundant, that means we won't be intrinsically happy. Or whatever other label we give it.

When we get into an emotional state, it activates the emotional refractory period. The thalamus tweaks our perceptual filters in order to keep that emotional state active. When we are happy with ourselves, we naturally begin to do the things we find fulfilling to keep that emotional state active. The having comes as a result of the being and doing.
#neuroscience

If you want to have a great relationship, and do all the #greatrelationship stuff, then #beagreatperson

For me, that meant #personalchange work. It meant #findingsomeone who could teach me how to be what I couldn't be on my own.

It meant creating a #vision and a #plan, and implementing the plan.

It meant caring enough about myself and future partner to #maketheinvestment and #dothework .

#Be

#Do

#Have




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