I went through some issues recently that led to an argument with my fiance’.
Yes, even relationship coaches have arguments with their partners...at least this one does.
It’s not that we’re perfect, we just have different tools to deal with these problems.
It’s not enough that we know why problems occur, it’s that we can fix them and move the relationship forward.
Here’s what I did.
As much as I did not need to be in my head, I also didn’t need to unleash an emotional tirade upon anyone. Especially my fiance’.
I know God knows more than I do, so I talked to him instead. If I’m going to love my wife like God does, unconditionally, then I have to know how. He knows exactly what’s going on so I used the alone time to pray and look at all angles of the situation at hand.
The disassociation allows us to remove the emotional component (which creates a bio-feedback loop that tweaks our perception to filter out anything that doesn’t keep the emotional state going) and look at all the facts. Believing facts over past wins. My past was trying to fill in the best guesses of details that I could see much clearer after dissociating.
With more understanding and a calmer head, I was able to communicate with my fiance’ and better understand what was going on.
Maintaining communication is absolutely critical for a relationship to continue.
I cannot say that any more deliberately.
Communication from a point of “I love you” is absolutely critical for a relationship to thrive.
It’s not enough that I say I love you. Those words are empty without action. I have to demonstrate that love in everything I do. If my actions don’t demonstrate love, then I love me.
This is why it’s important to understand your partner’s criteria for love. You know, those five love languages? Yeah...that’s a thing. If one partner demonstrates love by doing for or physical touch, and the other partner loves by spending time with, or giving gifts there’s going to be some misinterpretations along the way.
One of the ways I love is by spending time with. April is a doer. It led to some misinterpretation.
Increased communication with more understanding, more love and less worried frustration led to averting a potentially disastrous ending. Had I allowed those old thought patterns to continue... I don’t even want to think about that.
Jon Newton is TheRapportCoach. He teaches people how to use the neuroscience behind relationships to create extraordinary experiences between humans. From personal to business relationships, Jon helps humans navigate humanity.