I love you
Three of the hardest things for us to say.
And three of the most powerful things we can say to heal the relationship.
I apologise is so difficult for us because it means admitting fault. We did something that hurt someone we love. Oftentimes, pride and ego get in the way and we don't want to focus on how we were in the wrong.
I love you is also difficult, because we run the risk of that love not being returned. That desire to be loved in return gets unfulfilled, selfishness creeps in and we get hurt.
Help me is probably the most difficult on this list, because it means admitting we don't have it all together. We admit weakness with the expectation that vulnerability isn't exploited or used against us.
There's one simple action we can take. It's simple, but not easy: set the pride down for a minute.
Let it go.
We have to understand that no human is perfect. We all have traumas to deal with. Pride gets in the way of it being dealt with.
Apologizing for hurting someone else is the first step. It allows forgiveness to take hold where anger was before, and clears the past for the relationship to continue. Apologizing also means we do what it takes to correct the behavior that caused the problem in the first place.
Expressing love for another person should only be your expression of esteem for the other person, never ever an expectation of love in return. It is selfless. It is fearless. It is complete
Getting the help we need is the accessing of resources, and can be done. It's nothing to be ashamed of. When we need help with anything, we are simply admitting we don't know everything there is to know about our problem, or we don't have the tools we need to overcome the problem. I will add the caveat that we should ask for help from someone we can trust completely.
So, if you need to apologise, do it. If you need to express love, do it. If you need help, get it.
Personally, I help people with relationship problems, because I know how bad it hurts when relationships end tragically.
Jon Newton is TheRapportCoach. He teaches how to use the neuroscience behind relationships to create extraordinary experiences between humans. From personal to business relationships, Jon helps humans navigate humanity.