I hear this "love yourself" thing a lot.
It's like "follow your heart". Which, by the way, is probably the worst possible advice around. I'll explain that later.
Love yourself, put yourself first, look out for number one… Yeah I get all that… But like the "follow your heart" garbage, loving yourself isn't the best philosophy for relationships.
It leads to selfishness.
Love is sacrificial.
Selfishness and sacrifice are opposites.
You have to love your partner enough to forget about what you want. That doesn't matter. What matters is best for your partner.
This also assumes your partner isn't a narcissistic asshole, but that's another course.
It's been said that you can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. That's absolutely true, as sure as the day is long.
I can't help but think about Jesus. Now, I understand if you haven't read a Bible, or don't know John 3:16, but Jesus of Nazareth, whether you believe he is God the son or not, died on a Roman cross in 33AD, historical fact, look it up.
You don't have to believe that Jesus is the son of God, that's between you and God, but he claimed to be, which is why the religious crowd at the time had him crucified.
On that cross, Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
That, to me, is love.
That is giving.
Loving yourself is taking.
Which is fine to a point, but not for relationships
A great relationship builds the other person. Think about it like this: if you're constantly withdrawing from your checking account, without ever depositing, what's going to happen?
You're going to run out of money eventually.
You have to invest. You have to deposit money in.
Same thing goes for relationships, you have to deposit love so to speak. You have to invest in your partner.
Another reason I love my fianceé so much. She gives, and does, and supports, and loves, even when she's thousands of miles away.
It's more than loving yourself and just getting what you want; great relationships are built on taking care of the other person's needs, as well as doing so in a way your partner knows they're getting it.
Because if they don't know that's how you love, they will misinterpret your actions, which is why I built communication into the LoveDoneRight course, so people can learn how to love their partner, as well as learning how their partner loves them. But, I digress…
Loving yourself is fine to a point. I get that you have to take yourself. But the best relationships are built taking care of your partner, because the more you invest, the more you'll have to spend. It's just that simple.
Jon Newton, TheRapportCoach
Jon Newton is TheRapportCoach. He teaches how to use the neuroscience behind relationships to create extraordinary experiences between humans. From personal to business relationships, Jon helps humans navigate humanity.