Forgiving without forgetting is not Forgiveness

Forgiving is crucial for any and all relationships to continue.

Forgiving is not getting a pass because I said "I'm sorry."

People say they can forgive, but not forget. I have news for you: that's not forgiving.

Forgiving requires absolute love. The dictionary defines forgive as to excuse an offense without exacting penalty or redress.

That means we forget about the offense. It's no longer an issue, the relationship continues as if it never happened. The offense doesn't get brought up again. Ever.

You can learn the lesson without allowing the offense to become a filter whereby your partner's actions are scrutinized. Trying to forgive and not forget means the offense is harbored in the background. It will fester.

Forgive completely.

Learning your partner comes full circle as part of accepting. It's seeing their quirky humanity and loving them for it. It's knowing how they like their coffee. It's understanding them. It's hearing what they do and don't say.

It's a process. It takes time, and when done right, takes a lifetime. It's to be enjoyed. A former employer once told me, "we're not complaining, we're training". Meaning each mistake was an opportunity to learn more about the job. The same thing applies to your relationship. Each quirk you see in your partner is an opportunity to learn more about them. It's something else to love.

Learn lovingly.

— Jonathan Charles Newton
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